Thursday, April 23, 2015

Gems from "Great is Thy Faithfulness" Hymn

It was last February when I blogged about still waiting of my pregnancy after series of medical helps. I'm still waiting and though, I think, disappointments intensify as I feel those very familiar pain in my tummy month after month, GOD's grace abounds all the more to reach me in my deepest pit. 

God did again just today. After praying, my husband Bernard called for words he knows I need and then this hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness, plays in my cellphone. The song appears to be so new to me that it pushes me for a meditation and be strengthened again. Below are the gems I found:

Who are You today, God?
The GOD I met in the Old Testament
The GOD I read in the New Testament
Still the same GOD I behold today
Never will I turn my back away from You
You are the same yesterday, today and forever

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

What do I have today, God?
Never I lack of things I need in my existence
Your unfathomable wisdom guides my provision
By your new mercies every morning You bestow them to me
What I have today, I trust and thank Thee
These are the things You know I need; thus, enough for me

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Who are with me today, God?
Your Word tells me that heavens declare Your glory
The nature never gets weary demonstrating Your power
Birds in the sky never get hungry; newborn wilds are nursed by You
Unseen hence unappreciated beautiful creations still sing of Your love
I will then join in their mighty chorus in adoration of You

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Can I still hold on today, God?
You delighted to be called my Emmanuel, my GOD who is with us
Why then is my soul downcast within me? Rise and feel His presence
Amidst this scourging storm, be still and know GOD
Can I think of a day He left my side to comfort and cheer me up?
Praise be to God, the God of all comfort who never leaves His child

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Friday, February 27, 2015

I Will Worship while I Wait

Just last week, Feb 20, I was given an honor to lecture about "Wonders of Worshiping while Waiting" among youths in our district. Though the title of this post seems to be like that, I will delay my post about that lecture for the meantime for I wanna testify first about what is happening to me lately.

Last December 8, 2013 I blogged about learning the conditions of my reproductive organs and the surgery I will undergo. Then on December 1, 2014, I posted about the recurrence of the blockage in my right fallopian tube nine months after I underwent that surgery. I was then advised to pray that I should conceive not later than February 2015 or else, dysmennorhea may thicken my uterus lining again (thus, worsening my endometriosis and adenomyosis) and may even welcome again the chocolate cysts in my right ovary.

Series of ultrasound are done to monitor my follicle development and I was given much hope whenever I am positive for follicles with or without the help of Letrozole. I was advised to take Mefenamic or Ibuprofen to minimize if not eradicate the pain during menstruation. And even though, month after month I was undergoing the cycle of hope and disappointment, GOD's grace envelopes my heart all throughout. Thank GOD I am His child and I have the Father in heaven who is ever there to soothe my heart  when it encounters raging storms.

Tonight is different from my previous experiences. Usually, two days before my menstruation, I am warned by dysmenorrhea. I usually have my period on my 27th or 28th day of my cycle. And for this month, on my 26th, I was already anxious of what would happen on my 27th. I experienced nothing. I was not sure whether I should be happy or not. Morning of my 28th, still nothing. And here comes around lunchtime, I called my husband for a pain I felt and when I got home for lunch that time, there was already some little spotting. So I prepared myself for another period.

However, no more blood flowed after that spotting. Though there was this minimal pain, I don't know whether I already need to take med or the spotting was not menstruation (ma-feeling me). On my 29th, today, I experienced the worst dysmenorrhea I ever had. This pain actually accompanies me while I'm penning this.

Tomorrow is February 28, the last day of February and the deadline set by my OB-Gyn for conception. I don't know what awaits me for tomorrow. I haven't seen my OB for almost two months and I don't even have an idea of her next move. And this pain triggers my heart to fear what could be happening inside my uterus, tubes and ovaries at this moment.

There are too many "what if's" my mind is composing now. I remembered a prayer I uttered during the early morning of my 28th: "If this is it, Lord, I am too excited on how will I thank you. Maybe I couldn't find my words to express my appreciation of you." This prayer was uttered with imagination of massaging my tummy lightly.

And tonight, GOD has put a new prayer in my heart: "Whatever is the lot You will give me, LORD, I don't want to wait for that gift in order for me to express an unspeakable gratitude and worship. May my heart learn to do that while I'm still waiting."

There are times I really do imagine the joy I will feel when I think of God blessing me. I even plan how I am going to glorify God and how I am going to testify to others about God's graciousness. Why wait for that time to come and why not develop that worship in anytime of the day and in any situation I am into?

Resolved therefore that I will worship God while I'm waiting:

and that I will always remind my heart to be still and know GOD (Psalm 46:10)

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Yes...I am a Sinner and I Married a Sinner

I am torn between two men I love. I don't know to whom I will give my wholehearted devotion and affection. I went to Man 1 and though his face is blurry in my sight, I know I love him much. He looks at me affectionately and I know he loves me too. Suddenly he became too busy and it seems I am not there. I try to talk to him but he lifts his hand, "wait". He then changed his mood. I suddenly feel a pain in my heart as I see him in that scenario I do not want to see. I ran crying and I found myself to Man 2, I can't see his physique. He's crying with me, wiping my tears. With his touch and look at me I can feel his love. I love this man so much too. He is so gentle and I am secured in his arms. But I ran away still. Who am I going to choose? I  know I only love a man with my whole heart. How can I love two men? 
As I was running away, I looked behind me and I saw them both running after me. I am in great struggle, crying as I don't want to choose between them. They were drawing closer and closer to me. I still can't see who is who. Suddenly, when they were few steps away from me, I just saw them merged and there was my husband infront of me, offering his hands to lift me up. I struggled to open my eyes. IT WAS A DREAM. I looked at my cell phone (December 22, 4:06 am). 
I couldn't get my sleep back since then. The dream was like a video in my mind, it kept on playing. I found myself praying and asking GOD for His grace. The message was very clear to me. I love my husband, whether he is in good shape as I wanted him to be or he is in bad shape which I fear and don't like to see. I cannot deny the fact that eventhough he is at his worst, I still love him. 

That dream made me realized that I cannot separate those weakness of him from the strength I treasure in him. I then fear myself that I may not be able to complement him when those weaknesses appear. It has been my struggle how to show my appreciation of him despite his weaknesses. I am consumed by these thoughts that I really pray I will be enabled to show how I cherish him everyday and that since June 30 of 2012, I am blessed everyday because of him.

Yes, I am a sinner saved by grace and that is why on GOD's grace I solely depend. Seeing that I myself have my own weaknesses and fearing those weaknesses remind me of a book entitled "When Sinners Say 'I Do'". I haven't read the book yet (how I wish I have one) but I love how Sovereign Grace Ministries Store introduced it and this line is striking: "But realizing the truth about our sin points us to the glory of God’s grace and power to change us." Yes, we are sinners when we exchanged vows but we know that only through Christ can we be able to live everyday displaying GOD's glory in our marriage.

I am thankful that GOD uses many ways to assure me that He is with us in this marriage. I thank GOD how He corrects me of my possible separation of my husband's strength and weakness. I smile when I read this quote from Dave Harvey, “Could it be that God already knows you are sinners, yet gives you everything you need to build a thriving marriage anyway?” That's the grace of GOD. I am thankful that GOD wrote our love story and He is still writing our married life story.

I love my husband more than anyone. In order that I may love him in a way that glorifies God, C. S. Lewis taught me how: When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. And may GOD be glorified to increase my love of Him so I may love my husband all the more.


While drafting this blog, my husband came home with a new tablet for me. He was thinking I am sad for my former tablet is not functioning anymore. I will write it here what I told you, Mahal: You are my treasure (next to GOD, of course) and I am happy being with you. Material things won't make me happy, you know it. GOD enables me that you will be the great source of my happiness and I will also love you increasingly until my last breath.

Husbands and wives, recognize that in marriage you have become one flesh. If you live for your private pleasure at the expense of your spouse, you are living against yourself and destroying your joy. But if you devote yourself with all your heart to the holy joy of your spouse, you will also be living for your joy and making a marriage after the image of Christ and His church. (John Piper)

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Risks of my Intimacy with Unbelieving Friends

There are times when I feel the guilt of spending too much time with unbelievers and I can't have the guts to share the gospel to them. I always ask myself: Why do I love to be with him/her/them? When we had our New Testament survey in I Corinthians when I was still a youth in my home church, I learned that the very reason that you are supposed to be mingling with unbelievers is the Great Commission. If you cannot share the gospel to them, do not be yoked with them as warned by Apostle Paul in II Corinthians 6:14.

It is unavoidable to have circle of friends in our workplaces or schools. It would even be a negative testimony if we would shun them and isolate ourselves. It is often a question of up to what extend should our friendship with them be. But that is not for me to answer in this blog, I will try to enumerate some effects of having friendship with the unbelievers and the answer to our question will be answered by you yourself.

(NOTE: I don't want to impose a Pharisaic attitude here; I am also guilty of them most of the time.)

It degrades our standard of morality.

1 Corinthians 15:33 says that bad company corrupts good character. At first, their curses are stench to us. Their choice of words are unpleasant to our ears. Their topics when they converse  are alien to us. Eventually, we do curse even in our mind or even sometimes it just slips into our mouth.We communicate to them in their jargon and we know their up-to-date topics. We even sometimes lead the conversations. 

It lets us spend our time in unfruitful ways.

When I was in college, I enjoyed spending a vacant time in the woods to read a book or listen a song. Somehow, I am missing that solitude. Now I find myself, most of the time, spending vacant periods chatting with unbelieving friends. There is a very thin line between knowing the news or updates from colleagues to gossiping. I usually convince myself that I need to know what's happening in my community but sometimes I just catch myself gossiping already.

It shifts our attention away from our godly visions.

It is not only that actions and lifestyles are degraded. Even the high standards we have with our principles and convictions are compromised. Our GOD-entranced vision becomes patterned into this world. We lower our standards now and begin to love the things of this world. We may find ourselves adapting this world's definition of beauty that we forget to cultivate the inner beauty which is so precious to God (I Peter 3:3-4).

It changes our priorities.

We also change our priorities. The usual Bible/book reading becomes TV watching. Praying time becomes fb/chat/twitter/selfie/google plus/DOTA time. I also surf the net and I was rebuked on spending much time in it at night for instead of spending a quality time with my husband and with our GOD, I am there infront of the netbook. My pursuit of heavenly perspective is blurred by my pursuit to be "in" and be not left behind by my friends.

It affects our testimony.

Our testimony is also at stake. There are common sayings: "Tell me who your friends are ad I will tell you who you are." And "birds of the same feather, flock together." Not that true at all? "It depends upon the situations", you may say. Then how come that the Bible says, "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" (Amos 3:3) 

Whether we face it or not, there will be eyes that may be looking up to us. How do we show that we are different from this world when we love to join the world?

Proverbs 12:26 says that the righteous choose their friends carefully. I am not into the position to judge you for having unbelieving friends, I also have mine. But I am reminding you as I ask the Lord to always remind me the level of intimacy I am supposed to give them. Heart check should also be frequently done so we will not be dragged easily into this world and not be enticed by its ways. But if we know that we are easily influenced by them, may be it is time to look for believers in your community. If you can't find one, ask the LORD to give you one.
Copyright His Beloved 2011.