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| photo source: http://www.judydouglass.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/waiting.jpg |
Last February 13, 2011, I posted an article entitled While True Love Is Waiting. After a year, true lovers exchanged vows and I thought the waiting was over. I was wrong.
We are now married for 17 months and 9 days. We agreed that after a year of being married and there was no baby yet, we would seek a doctor's help for fertility workout. It was last October when we had our check-ups. And now, just in two months I met three (3) obstetricians/gynecologists. My first OB found a cyst on my right ovary. Seeking a second opinion, my second OB actually found out that I have two cysts on my right ovary and a possible blocked right fallopian tube. I was then referred to my third OB whose only option is for me to undergo laparoscopic surgery and series of medication for 3-6 months more before inducing me for an ovulation.
Just few minutes before going to school for work this morning, my husband hugged me. It was an unusual hug so I inquired why. He sought his cousin's (who is a doctor) help for another opinion. And I learned from her friend who is also an OB that I should conceive within 3-4 months after the long process of medication or there is a possibility that my cysts would come back. However, chances of conceiving is very low still according to her.
I don't know what to react from the news. But one thing is a clear effect on me, I was unable to attend my classes this morning. Thoughts and a lot of them flooded my mind. My husband was worried with how I would accept that possibility of not conceiving. I told my husband that I am prepared ever since that there was a possibility that I would not conceive my own children; but the reason at that time was because I already accepted that I might have the gift of celibacy. (I had my first boyfriend when I was 29, got married when I was 30.) I added that I am more worried with him but his response is enough for me to know that he indeed knows our GOD. And thanks be to GOD for a husband who loves my GOD more than me.
And here I am again, penning this trial I and my husband face. I want this to be a document I will re-read few years from now. I don't know what awaits us in the next few months/years. My GOD has proven that HE knows better than I - I thought I would be good teacher in tertiary level but He brought me to secondary level; I thought I would be good in the private sector, He brought me to the public sector; I thought I would be His good servant as celibate, but He brought me to being a wife, a pastor's wife. There are lots of "I thought...-but He..." scenarios I can write here. In the end, I am always thankful that a very loving and faithful GOD directs my life.
Whatever His will is, may I and Bernard glorify Him more by enjoying whatever lot God prepares for us. I still seek the brethren's prayer most especially for our hearts. There will be no more unbearable and more disappointing in me than a moment I will question or even doubt His Sovereignty. So please join us in prayer.
