When the Waiting Is Not Yet Over

photo source: http://www.judydouglass.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/waiting.jpg

It was six months ago when I posted my last article here. It is kinda disappointing on my part that I find no time updating my blog. Nonetheless, I thank GOD for giving  another reason for me to indeed find a time to start penning this article.

Last February 13, 2011, I posted an article entitled While True Love Is Waiting. After a year, true lovers exchanged vows and I thought the waiting was over. I was wrong.

We are now married for 17 months and 9 days. We agreed that after a year of being married and there was no baby yet, we would seek a doctor's help for fertility workout. It was last October when we had our check-ups. And now, just in two months I met three (3) obstetricians/gynecologists. My first OB found a cyst on my right ovary. Seeking a second opinion, my second OB actually found out that I have two cysts on my right ovary and a possible blocked right fallopian tube. I was then referred to my third OB whose only option is for me to undergo laparoscopic surgery and series of medication for 3-6 months more before inducing me for an ovulation. 

Just few minutes before going to school for work this morning, my husband hugged me. It was an unusual hug so I inquired why. He sought his cousin's (who is a doctor) help for another opinion. And I learned from her friend who is also an OB that I should conceive within 3-4 months after the long process of medication or there is a possibility that my cysts would come back. However, chances of conceiving is very low still according to her.

I don't know what to react from the news. But one thing is a clear effect on me, I was unable to attend my classes this morning. Thoughts and a lot of them flooded my mind. My husband was worried with how I would accept that possibility of not conceiving. I told my husband that I am prepared ever since that there was a possibility that I would not conceive my own children; but the reason at that time was because I already accepted that I might have the gift of celibacy. (I had my first boyfriend when I was 29, got married when I was 30.) I added that I am more worried with him but his response is enough for me to know that he indeed knows our GOD. And thanks be to GOD for a husband who loves my GOD more than me. 

And here I am again, penning this trial I and my husband face. I want this to be a document I will re-read few years from now. I don't know what awaits us in the next few months/years. My GOD has proven that HE knows better than I - I thought I would be good teacher in tertiary level but He brought me to secondary level; I thought I would be good in the private sector, He brought me to the public sector; I thought I would be His good servant as celibate, but He brought me to being a wife, a pastor's wife. There are lots of "I thought...-but He..." scenarios I can write here. In the end, I am always thankful that a very loving and faithful GOD directs my life.

Whatever His will is, may I and Bernard glorify Him more by enjoying whatever lot God prepares for us. I still seek the brethren's prayer most especially for our hearts. There will be no more unbearable and more disappointing in me than a moment I will question or even doubt His Sovereignty. So please join us in prayer.

A Prayer of Love and Submission

The poem below was composed by my niece, Micah Rosario-Tarlit. I'm too blessed with how God molds her heart to fully surrender to the will of God and joyfully serve our Lord in her singleness. She is just young yet God has taught her to guide her future Godsend through her prayers. She is a pastors' kid (both parents are pastors and her mother was my first VBS teacher) and I thank God she grows up in a family that serves God. She is our maid-of-honor in our wedding and she is currently taking A. B. Mass Comm (my course also in college) in SLU.

My heart was moved with praises to God as I read her note just last night (though I was tagged February 14, I don't know why I was not notified) and I decided to let more people read her poem and be blessed. So with her permission, her poem will be my guest blog post.

This was originally posted on her facebook note dated February 14, 2013.
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They say that today is a "Happy Hearts' Day!"  But I believe that everyday is a love-filled day when You know the Greatest Lover of all time, when you believe on what He has done in the Cross , and when You let this Lover be the center of your life! ^_^ Ngunit alam ko Ama, na kung ipapahintulot Mo, ay darating din ang tamang panahon at tamang lalaking magmamahal sa iyong prinsesa (can't believe I'm writing this..hehe) . Dalangin ko'y manguna Ka kahit sa aspetong ito ng aking buhay:') 

A Prayer of Love and Submission

By: Micah Rosario Tarlit

August 27, 2012 and February 13, 2013 ^_^

( Lord,  I wanna bring You glory:’) )

I’m amazed by everything You are, my Wonderful Creator

Your daughter is a masterpiece of Your immeasurable majesty and splendor

Throughout time my King taught me to love Him above all and above anything else

Now my ultimate prayer is to let Your Supremacy reflect in every aspect of my life at best.

Lord I love You, You know I thankfully and faithfully do

And in all I am I want glory be solely unto You

By Thy grace, may Your perfect plans be fulfilled in every area of my life

Be the Loving Author of my love story, for the pen is Yours and not mine

My godsend You’ve already chosen for Your beloved even before time began

And I can’t help but to smile at the thought of it when in Your presence we’ll together stand.

In this season of waiting I want my singleness to be used purposely for the Greatest Lover

And faithfully pray for my godsend, for above it all, I know He’s holding it all together.

May the right one come in Your perfect time.

May he truly have You in His heart as his one and only God.

May He long to glorify You always.

May He learn to always seek Your face.

May he patiently wait for Your perfect season of courtship,

Of engagement, marriage, and every season will be a season of worship.

For I long to see myself and my godsend serving You as one

Christ be magnified as we help each other in the spiritual run.

I may not know who exactly he is at the moment,

His exact looks, voice, or maybe his achievement

But what really matters is his deep faith and real relationship

With the One Who’s solely glorified in this love story written and fulfilled under His Lordship.

I perceive it’s not enough to pray just for him

So I pray for myself as his future bride to purposely wait and hate sin

For I want this season of waiting to be God- glorifying still,

I desire to honor my First Love and I long to follow His perfect Will.

I pray for the both of us now, and I hope he’s constantly praying too

That everything will be Christ- centered before and after we say “I do.”

I faithfully and expectantly pray that one day you’ll draw us together as we draw closer to You,

Knowing that we’re nothing without You, guide us Oh Lord as together we humbly submit it all to You.

I’m more than blessed to be the Greatest Lover’s daughter

My every inch, fearfully and wonderfully made, to Him I fully surrender

So here in Your presence I pray to be the biblical woman You want me to be

My Savior Jesus be reflected and magnified in this love story I’m longing to see.

In Jesus Christ’s precious and mighty Name…Amen.

:’)

Because God's Love Overflows...

photo source: http://thecrackeddoor.com/Main/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/love7.jpg

It was just last night, between 8:10 to 8:20. We were on our way home; my husband who was driving the motorcycle was about to turn left to Padilla Street when a fast tricycle just suddenly bumped into us. Bernard managed to control the motorcycle after the first impact. But I just closed my eyes and hugged my husband when I knew we would fall. Then I heard sounds. I silently uttered a prayer. Though I haven’t opened my eyes yet, I knew we didn't just fall, we were being dragged by the motorcycle.

I opened my eyes when I heard my husband’s voice calling me. Dragging has stopped. I looked up to find the tricycle, I saw it. Then I heard lots of “Hoy” from the crowd. Just in a split of seconds, it was very clear in my memory when the driver accelerated the gas and drove fast. Concern people especially those on motorcycles chased them. I don’t know what happened there. My husband and I got up. People were crowding us. A helpful POSO man informed us what to do.

Then some of the bikers told us that the tricycle driver and his company who were all under the spirit of liquor were now with the police. God provided that there was a checkpoint along M. P. Posadas Avenue that night. Then my father suddenly showed up and our Ninong Felimon Erguiza together with his children Jerome and Ana. Bernard’s relatives were also there.

We were then assisted to the police station to report the incident and blotter the driver. I couldn’t describe how I felt that night. I got angry when those people who were supposed to be sorry for what they did were the ones blaming us and doing murmurs. Moreover, if looks could kill, my husband and I would be dead on-the-spot.

When I saw how angry my father was, I was pacified somehow. My brother Don was also there with us. My anger totally cooled down when I felt the concern from the loving presence of Pastor David and Manang Gladdy Mancilla, Edwin Austria, and text messages from treasured friends and loved ones. They even followed us when we were brought to the City Health Center for medical check-up. And when we returned to the police station, our beloved Ninang Ana Susan Flor Erguiza was there.

I must admit; however, that annoyance easily enveloped me whenever I heard again some thrash talks from the driver’s friends. He himself even lectured us on how that incident was supposed to be our fault. He was not sorry I said and I was determined to indeed give him the lesson. I can’t control my anger but thank GOD I was able to control my tongue that night. I knew my husband’s temper also but GOD’s grace is so evident in him that he, too, was able to stay calm and patient.

The driver’s father came in to the room where we were having the dialogue with the driver and God’s providence that the policeman mediating was our high school classmate, Edwin Miranda. Bernard and I looked at each other for the father reminded us of Tatay Ben. The humble father did nothing but to plead for his arrogant and proud son.

To shorten my story, estimated (with grace) amount of damages plus our medicines for one week cost PhP 3, 700. The driver went out of the room to see his friends and relatives outside and came back telling us that they don’t have such amount that night and he was willing to be detained there for 12 hours.

He was put inside the cell. My husband was bothered for reasons I don’t know at first. He then asked to call the driver’s father and his friends outside to go near the cell. I didn't know his plan at that time. He suddenly said that he is not a perfect person but Jesus Christ changed him and showed his love to him. My husband said he was a pastor and he wanted/prayed that they too may come to feel and know Jesus. He prayed for them. I knew that the Holy Spirit was working; God’s love was overflowing into our hearts and I wasn't surprised when my husband said that he would not be receiving any amount from the driver despite our health and the motorcycle’s conditions. Shock registered into their faces; the driver’s father cried. For the first time since our meeting that night, the driver and his friends who were very arrogant before were very humble and kept on thanking us. My husband made it clear that he couldn't do such actions if not because of GOD and His unconditional love and grace. He then told the driver not to waste our sacrifice. Uncle Imon and Manang Anie, I’m sure, felt that God’s workings too.

It is our prayer that GOD’s salvation be upon them. And as for my husband, I am too blessed to have a man like him. As we were driving back home on our not-so-good motorcycle, Bernard was telling me that his actions didn't mean he was not concern with what happened to us, especially to me. I told him that I know he loves GOD more than me…and that is the very reason why I love him so…

To GOD alone be the glory!

I Can Pay Never At All

Photo source: http://dorkymum.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/dorkyhands.jpg

       Last February 15, Binmaley United Methodist Youth Fellowship had a Love Fellowship. The young people sang parodies and I am honored (as well as forced) to write one for them. Thank GOD for His guidance and grace. Below is my parody of Ronan Keating's "When You Say Nothing At All".

It's amazing how You

Can break through my hard heart

With Your powerful Word

You take me out of the dark

This I accept I cannot comprehend

How Your grace saves and new life it brings

CHORUS:

The works of Your grace

Let me know that You save me

There's the Truth who is Christ

Saying works never save me

The blood of the Son poured to save and to redeem the fall

You did it all; I can pay never at all

All along sins I bear

To my self I am bound

When my heart feels the fear

In Your arms I am found

I can not say why to me You are kind

What You did so in Your sight I'm fine

The works of Your grace

The Truth who is Christ

The blood of Your Son

Always show that You save me

Pagdakila sa Diyos sa Buhay ni Tatay Ben

Matapos ang tatlong buwang pamamahinga ng blog na ito, ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko na pagdadalamhati sa nawalang mahal sa buhay ang mag-uudyok sa akin upang muling buksan ang account na ito at pindutin ang compose at magpaskil na aking kauna-unahang blog post sa taong 2013. 

Kanina ko pa nais na magsulat subalit ako ay pansamantalang napipigilan ng paglilinis ng bahay para sa preparasyon sa pagdating ng mga labi ni Tatay Ben. Nakaplano sa mga gagawin ko sa linggong ito na ako ay gagawa ng general cleaning para magkaroon ng malinis at maayos na titirhan si Tatay sa paglabas niya sa ospital at nang sa gayon ay komportable siya sa kanyang pagpapagaling. Hindi ko naisip na ang dati kong iniisip na excitement sa paglilinis ay mapapalitan ng bigat ng puso at napipintong pagtulo ng mga luha ko kapag naiisip kong ang paglilinis na ginagawa ko ay para na ngayon sa burol ng aming mahal na ama.

Mahigit anim na buwan na ako sa tahanang ito subalit hindi ako nakaramdam ng adjustment na sinasabi ng ilan lalo na't kasama ko sa aking bagong tahanan ang mga in-laws ko. Sabi ng iba na mahirap kasama sa iisang bubong ang in-laws. Mapalad ako at siya ko ngang ipinagpapasalamat sa Diyos na ako'y ipinabilang niya sa pamilya Rosario at sina Tatay Ben at Nanay Eliang ang in-laws ko.

Anim na buwan ang niloob ng Diyos na ibigay sa akin para makasama si Tatay. Nang masabihan ako kagabi na ihanda na ang aming mga sarili sa hindi na pagtagal ng buhay ni Tatay, iniisip kong kulang pa ang anim na buwan para magabayan niya ako sa mga dapat kong gawin dito sa bahay. Kakaunting tips pa lang sa pagluluto ang naibabahagi nila sa akin. Kakaunti pa lang ang mga nabilin nilang dapat isaalang-alang na gawain dito sa bahay. Subalit nang mabalitaan kong sila ay pumanaw na, aking nasambit na lang na ang anim na buwan sa mata ng aking infinite wise GOD ay sapat na.

Naisip ko rin noon na ang aming magiging anak ni Bernard ay mapapalaki katulad ng pagpapalaki nila sa aking asawa lalo pa't kami ay nasa poder nila. Ang kanilang pagpanaw ay may panghihinayang sa aking puso dahil hindi na mararanasan ng magiging anak ko ang nasaksihan kong pagmamahal ng isang Lolo sa kanyang mga apo. Subalit marunong pa rin ang Diyos at sino ako para pangambahan ang kinabukasan ng aking anak. Anak ni Tatay Ben ang aking asawa. Marunong ang Diyos at alam kong ito ang perpektong oras para sa Kanya para mawalay na sa amin si Tatay.

Salamat sa Diyos sa anim na buwang nakapiling ko si Tatay. Wala na akong kahalili sa pagluluto. Wala na ang nagturo sa akin ng maraming bagay sa loob ng anim na buwan. Wala na ang magpapaalala sa aking asawa na ako ay sunduin na sa aking eskuwelahan. Wala na ang magagalit sa akin kapag ako ay magtatrabaho na kahit naka-uniform pa. Wala na ang magsasabing magpahinga muna ako. Wala na ang amang kahit siya ang naunang kakain ay pipiliin ang buntot ng bangus para hindi matinik ang sa kanyang mga anak. Wala ng matiyagang magtatrabaho kahit may dinadamdam. Wala na ang karagdagang ama na ibinigay ng Diyos sa akin. Purihin ang Diyos pa rin sa pagbibigay ng isang Tatay Ben sa akin.

Kulang ang isang blog post para banggitin ang lahat ng pag-ibig, pag-aaruga, at pagtuturo na ipinadama ng Diyos sa akin sa loob lamang ng anim na buwan sa pamamagitan ni Tatay Ben. Dakilain ka, O Diyos dahil napakarunong Mo. Alam na alam mo kung kanino ako matututo nang lubos sa loob lamang ng anim na buwan. Salamat, Panginoon sa buhay ni Tatay Ben.

Sa kabila ng pagdadalamhati, ako'y mapalad na mapabilang sa pamilyang yumayakap at nagagalak (bagamat mga iyakin ang nakapaligid sa akin) sa kalooban ng Diyos. Wala nang mas mainit pa na encouragement kundi ang makitang kaluwalhatian pa rin ng Diyos ang sigaw ng mga naulila. Ang kantang kalakip ng post na ito ay nagagamit namin noon tuwing kami ay makikilahok sa Bible Quiz subalit sa araw na ito, tunay ngang nangungusap sa akin at sigaw ito ng aking damdamin. Nawa ay makapagbigay rin ito ng aliw sa mga nakikidalamhati sa amin.